SelfLESS

I am a very trusting person. Too trusting. And in a world where people disappoint, focus on self, and aren't perfect, this sucks sometimes.

I don't want to become one of those people who is super bitter and doesn't trust anyone, but I also don't want to continually give the benefit of the doubt to the point of idiocy.

What a pickle.
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As I wrote this, sarcastically joking about pickles, I had every intention to go home and fully engage in a pity party -tears and all- about how alone I felt. Then, the reality of God's presence hit me.

His constant state of patience, stability and unending love, while I decide to push Him down on my priority list for a little while. His repeated forgiveness and hope in me when I let him down, focusing on my own selfish "needs" that are really wants; wants that will never really satisfy me.

All this to say, I am going through a time where I am more isolated that I have been in the past. And it's hard to feel like this, and to feel like sometimes people don't really notice. But then, I'm reminded on my own nature- self focused, very unperfect and and sometimes disappointing.

Colassians 3:13 says, "bear with each other, and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." If I have ever felt overlooked or alone, I know there has probably been a time someone I loved felt overlooked or unsupported by me. And just as I most likely had no idea, I know if I were more prone to share my heart with people I love, they would absolutely be supportive and attentive.

It seems our problem always comes back to be so focused on ourselves, and not relying on God fully for our comfort. While I complained in my heart about feeling overlooked by people too concerned with their own lives, I was modeling all too well the manner of being self-centered. Instead of resting in God's love for me, I was focusing on the lack of pursuit I felt from people in my life.

To value one's life and it's aspects certainly is not wrong, nor is it to enjoy relationship with friends. But when we begin to only see our problems, our circumstances, ourselves- this isn't right. When we place the burden of feeling loved and valued solely on family, spouses or friends- this isn't right.

"Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to Him than they are?" (Matthew 6:26) We read Jesus' words here and think, 'Of course God cares more for me than birds,' yet we so often take our lives into our own hands, as if God doesn't know how to care for them. He values our lives so much, and wants to guide us and provide a way, if we will only trust Him to do so.

Galatians 6:2 tells us, "carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." If we starting trusting God will provide for us and stop worrying about our provisions, it will be so much easier to start loving and supporting each other.

But of course, people aren't perfect. We will let each other down, be hurt by others, and then not talk about it, stuffing hurt down (saving it all for the pity parties). But, I know if I make my goal to find fulfillment in God first, then it'll be so much easier to stop obsessing over my own needs and to show the people in my life love the way they deserve it.