Idiot Box (Spelled, T-V)

In the spirit of frivilous blog posts, I'm deciding to make a list (I love lists).

I very much enjoy acting, and in this also enjoy the fine art of film acting (okay, getting hooked on silly TV shows). However, silly as they may be, sometimes you love a show only for it to be cancelled two weeks after you heard about it. Or worse, your love turns to horror as a once good show drones on for another three seasons. Remember, you're here by choice- you don't have to read this! :)

Too Young to Die
Arrested Development- Some of the wittiest TV writing I've ever come across, they stooped to shameless and funny lows to promote viewing ("Tell your friends to watch this show.")
Roswell- Any time I hear aliens, I automatically think cheesy. Luckily, they mixed in some good stuff with the cheese.
Studio 60- What can I say, I wanna see Matthew Perry succeed after Friends!
Veronica Mars- Though a close second to Buffy in my book, who doesn't love mystery solving by a strong female lead? ...No, only me?

Jumped the Shark... and Kept Going
24- I could have done without the last season. And season 5. And Wayne Palmer. Enough said.
Alias- Enough with the double identities! Don't any of these agencies do background checks? Or recognize Jennifer Garner in wigs and heavy eyeliner?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer- Even a die-hard fan can admit it got weird, lame, raunchy, raunchier, then finally gave us a half-decent final season after three years of misery.

Scrubs- The majority of it was great, but with the multiple "endings", I got very confused. Then there were a bunch of new doctors who weren't funny. Then Elliot was pregnant. Then it went away. Finally.
Smallville- WB/CW show. Ten seasons. Case and point.

Circling the Drain
American Idol- The numbers speak for themselves, the winners aren't really making much in numbers or pop culture influence, unlike previous winners from decades past (wait, how long has this show been on?)
The Bachelor/Bachelorette- This actually goes in the "Never Should Have Happened" catagory.

The Office- Don't look at me that way. After third season, there have been few breaks from the soapy and often morally sketchy escapades of the employees. Steve Carell is leaving, and so should NBC.

Okay, my geeking out is finished.

SelfLESS

I am a very trusting person. Too trusting. And in a world where people disappoint, focus on self, and aren't perfect, this sucks sometimes.

I don't want to become one of those people who is super bitter and doesn't trust anyone, but I also don't want to continually give the benefit of the doubt to the point of idiocy.

What a pickle.
* * *
As I wrote this, sarcastically joking about pickles, I had every intention to go home and fully engage in a pity party -tears and all- about how alone I felt. Then, the reality of God's presence hit me.

His constant state of patience, stability and unending love, while I decide to push Him down on my priority list for a little while. His repeated forgiveness and hope in me when I let him down, focusing on my own selfish "needs" that are really wants; wants that will never really satisfy me.

All this to say, I am going through a time where I am more isolated that I have been in the past. And it's hard to feel like this, and to feel like sometimes people don't really notice. But then, I'm reminded on my own nature- self focused, very unperfect and and sometimes disappointing.

Colassians 3:13 says, "bear with each other, and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." If I have ever felt overlooked or alone, I know there has probably been a time someone I loved felt overlooked or unsupported by me. And just as I most likely had no idea, I know if I were more prone to share my heart with people I love, they would absolutely be supportive and attentive.

It seems our problem always comes back to be so focused on ourselves, and not relying on God fully for our comfort. While I complained in my heart about feeling overlooked by people too concerned with their own lives, I was modeling all too well the manner of being self-centered. Instead of resting in God's love for me, I was focusing on the lack of pursuit I felt from people in my life.

To value one's life and it's aspects certainly is not wrong, nor is it to enjoy relationship with friends. But when we begin to only see our problems, our circumstances, ourselves- this isn't right. When we place the burden of feeling loved and valued solely on family, spouses or friends- this isn't right.

"Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to Him than they are?" (Matthew 6:26) We read Jesus' words here and think, 'Of course God cares more for me than birds,' yet we so often take our lives into our own hands, as if God doesn't know how to care for them. He values our lives so much, and wants to guide us and provide a way, if we will only trust Him to do so.

Galatians 6:2 tells us, "carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." If we starting trusting God will provide for us and stop worrying about our provisions, it will be so much easier to start loving and supporting each other.

But of course, people aren't perfect. We will let each other down, be hurt by others, and then not talk about it, stuffing hurt down (saving it all for the pity parties). But, I know if I make my goal to find fulfillment in God first, then it'll be so much easier to stop obsessing over my own needs and to show the people in my life love the way they deserve it.

My Bucket List

I'm a huge procrastinator, so maybe writing down my bucket list will actually cause some of these things to happen. In no particular order, here is my bucket list of things I'd love to do in my life (so far):

-Go back to Africa

-Ride a motorcycle (not as a passenger)

-Try glassblowing
-Skydive

-Conquer my fear of spiders

-Own a dog

-Scubadive

-Learn to play piano

-Learn to play guitar

-Compose my own music

-Try fencing

-Graduate college

-Dust off my French and master it

-Go to Paris

-Take a surfing lesson

-Read and understand (as much as humanly possible) all of Revelation

-See the Aurora Borealis

-Be in the audience for a Saturday Night Live taping

-Become sufficient at any sport (seriously, I'll take anything)

-Go fishing

-Be involved in a food fight

-See Antarctica (and hopefully penguins)

-Try archery

Expectations

Expectations are really difficult not to have in many situations. We all have them, whether they come from past examples, experience, or even our culture. The bad thing that can come with holding onto our expectations is that nine times out of ten, when real life shows up, we all end up confused or disappointed.

I prayed a LOT for God to help me release expectations I had somehow formed about marriage, and yet my human self still held on a little bit. I thought I knew a lot about relationships and Paul (and our relationship), and was probably a little overconfident. Luckily, God is so very loving and merciful, and He showed me quickly how much my expectations and reality differ.

Do not get me wrong, I LOVE being married to Paul so much (the week and a half I have experienced so far!), and the model of Christs' relationship with the church could not be better expressed through husband and wife. However, being human means we aren't gonna get it right on our own, and we can get hurt if we aren't careful where and on whom we place our expectations on. I am so thankful to have Jesus to show me His plans and desires, because I know when I hope and expect in Him, instead of myself and my circumstances, I'll never be disappointed.

If you are a single guy or girl, I really encourage you to talk with someone you know who is married (Paul and I are of course open and willing to chat with you!). We are certainly not experts, but even in our brief time together, we already have much to share that God has helped us see. We are also so glad for the married friends we have had help prepare us for married life (and life in general).

Obviously, you won't be able to have it all figured out before getting married, or in any situation for that matter. And for that reason I know Jesus tells us, "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." (Matthew 6:34)

We can't know everything or even expect ourselves to be prepared for everything, but asking God to provide the way ensures we won't be let down.

Bold

I asked God recently to give me boldness in Him and what He can accomplish through me- to be honest and direct with others in a loving way, and not fear what may come of that. I asked Him to help me focus on His plans, and not concern myself with people pleasing or walking on eggshells.

God never disappoints, and He's bringing it on right now. He's providing the situations where I know what I should do and say, and the only thing in the way is my fear of being judged or disliked. I'm a little apprehensive, but also hopeful that God will help me grow in this.

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love an discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

Armor of God

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12

I'm feeling this. Thankfully, this follows:

"Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground..." Ephesians 6:13 (through 18)

God's been showing me so much lately than in order to handle the hard and heavy stuff that comes up, I need to prepare myself. I can't just turn to God in moments of need or desparation, but I need to ask Him daily to provide what I need.

Promoted to Fianceé

I am engaged, if you hadn't already heard (I know I've told the story several hundred times). I never spent my teen years (or even before) planning out an extravagant fairytale wedding because, honestly, I never wanted to get married. My perception of marriage and relationships was not the best, and so I never gave a wedding much thought.
Now, here I am, 5 years later after God has totally healed and changed my heart, and I'm (trying) to plan a wedding. Don't get me wrong, I am totally pumped on marriage, Paul being my husband forever and even learning how to cook. But planning a wedding? Yikes. I feel so very unfemale in this process. We'll see how it goes.